"What we have here is a failure to communicate." That famous quote from the classic film Cool Hand Luke epitomizes one of the greatest challenges to individual and team performance. That is why we have chosen to dedicate this edition of Mentor to the subject of communication. We begin with a guest article by Randy Harrington. PhD, the CEO of Extreme Arts & Sciences and a leading communications expert. Randy is a colleague of ours who brings both wisdom and humor to the art and science of communication. His lesson begins with a trip to the barbershop.  Enjoy.

"Nice Haircut" – A Lesson in Power Communication
The compliment was simple enough; "Nice haircut." I had just returned from the barber and my hair was clearly "fresh cut". The compliment was offered by a man who joined me on an elevator. I said "Thanks…" Two floors later I got off the elevator and was about to move on to the next challenge of my day, never giving "elevator man" or my haircut a second thought. Then I saw my reflection in an office window and my hair looked very different from my normal style. The barber had put goop in my hair (I know I am supposed to call it product) and it was sticking out in all sorts of directions. It was supposed to look hip, like Brad Pitt or something. I looked more like Keith Richards if he had gained a few extra pounds. It wasn't pretty.
 
Besides the bad hair I was confronted with a dilemma about what elevator man really meant when he said "Nice haircut". Was he teasing me? Had I been mocked by a stranger? Or did he really like the haircut (in which case my own sense of taste would need an overhaul)? The man's two words were straightforward and obviously complementary; "Nice haircut." But the meaning wasn't in his words; the meaning was in his intention. It is not that I am concerned about what this guy thought about me or my hair. I paused to experience a full-fledged epiphany—a flash of clarity. I experienced the truth that meaning is not carried in language.
 
See if you can follow this. An old communication maxim says that in every conversation there are six perspectives. It helps if you read this out loud.
 
There is you and me.
Then what I think of you and you think of me.
Then, there is what I think you think of me, and what you think I think of you.
 
The last line is what is called "meta-communication." These mutual and often unspoken perceptions are at the heart of most interpersonal and business communication dynamics. If things work, it is because the meta-communication levels are in tune with each other. Truly, communication dynamics unfold in a hidden zone of perceptions and counter-perceptions. Words are leaky and unreliable vessels when it comes to carrying meaning.
 
It is not that you need to be suspect of all verbal communication. Sometimes people say "Nice haircut" and that is all they really mean. From a leadership (and parenting) perspective, however, you must be ready to engage and unpack the issues of intention and motive. And, (this is really important) there is a tight relationship between motive and ethics. You are actually a more effective communicator when you do the right (ethical) thing. A story from the 17^th century martial arts text Budo Shoshinshu by Daidoji Yuzan will help make the point (yes I actually read that stuff).
 
Prepare to listen, Grasshopper.
 
A man leaves to take a long journey unaware that he will die in an accident along the way. Before leaving the man trusted one hundred pieces of gold with his neighbor for safekeeping. No one else knew of the transaction, so the neighbor, upon hearing of the accident, is left to his own ethical code to determine his choice of action. Taking the money is clearly dishonorable; but according to Yuzan, there are varying levels of honor depending on why the neighbor returns the gold to the family. The first and best way would be to return the gold without ever considering theft. A second alternative would be to covet the money briefly, be overtaken with guilt, and then return the money. The least honorable way would be to return the money only out of fear of being caught. In each case, the money is returned, but Yuzan makes the point that the neighbor's motives in each case are very different.
 
So how will this help you with your 2 pm meeting from hell? Here are some ideas:

• Don't assume that what you hear is what is said. Both compliments and criticisms should be tempered.
• Lead by asking questions. Instead of always speaking in "broadcast mode" consider switching to "receiving mode" by asking open-ended questions. The irony is that most people are really eager to share their motives and intentions with you if they are given the chance.
• Ethical orientations are habitual. Doing the right thing becomes easier over time. The authenticity that comes with doing the right thing is also very liberating. It is literally easier to get through the day. Communication becomes smooth as people trust where you are "coming from."
• In tense situations, try to reveal why you are saying (or doing) something; reveal your motives. "I need you to stay late and work on this project because you know these numbers better than anyone else and the client is expecting our answer first thing in the morning—and we need to win this contract to make our goals." When people understand the reason behind a request, they can improvise and adapt much more effectively.
• Listen for other people to reveal "why" they are saying something and give extra weight to that communication, it is much closer to the source of real meaning.
• Be prepared to unpack situations where you and someone you work with share negative perceptions about one another. Find touchstones where you can align your motives (e.g., we both want to maximize our bonuses this quarter) and set a stage to work together with the air cleared. Professional respect and friendship are different things.

Finally, and most important of all, avoid the Keith Richards haircut. Even though he is a famous rock star and all, the look just doesn't work. Now Dennis Rodman on the other hand…

Communications in Cyberspace
Communications technology is expanding at a phenomenal rate. Voicemail, e-mail, conference calling, video conferencing and the like have become ingrained in our day-to day communications. They are especially important tools to teams who are not geographically co-located. These distributed teams face greater communications challenges and often rely on technology as their primary method of communications. But too many teams fail to consider key qualities of different media in their choices about when and how to use the full range of communications channels available to them. Teams that can diversify their communications repertoire to use different media consciously to achieve different effects at different times are more powerful. Consider media differences in terms of the degree to which a medium is personal, warm/cold, urgent, novel, fast/slow. The team needs requisite variety - change modes for refreshment and impact.
 
Avoiding Unnecessary Communication Gaps
If a team is co-located, problems caused by miscommunication can be solved easily in person. If I send you an e-mail and you don't respond, I'm usually aware if it's because you are traveling. If you're around, it doesn't feel like a big deal to ask you about it when we run into each other in the hall or I can stop by your office and say, "Hey, you haven't responded, what's happening?"
 
In a distributed team, when I don't get a response from you it could be for any of the following reasons:

• You're away from your computer and haven't received it
• Something went wrong technically and you didn't actually receive it.
• You don't understand what I was trying to say.
• You think my message was really stupid and don't know how to tell me.
• You're angry with me for some reason I don't know.
• You wish I would stop bothering you with what you think are trivial matters.
• You're totally overloaded at the moment and just haven't gotten to it yet.
• You didn't think the message required (or merited) a response.

 
The tendency in people who are already feeling tenuous about their relationship (something which is particularly true of a new, distributed team) is to assume the worst-case explanation and to be reluctant to pursue the issue for fear of appearing insecure or silly. Making a call or sending more messages to follow up feels less casual and so individuals are less likely to do it and misunderstandings are left out there to undermine the feelings of trust and security necessary to good team performance.
 
To avoid this kind of communication gap, make some agreements among the team about norms for response in various media (e-mail, phone messages, voice mail, fax) - both how the receipt of a message will be acknowledged and what you can expect from each other
in terms of a response. If you can't respond substantively right away, at least let people know immediately that you've received the message and when they can expect a response. "Thanks for your message" can go a long way toward developing a friendly team culture. Develop a system for alerting each other ahead of time if you will be disappearing from the communications grid for more than a day or two so everyone else will know what to expect.
 
Avoiding Communication Burnout and Boredom
Before we had all this electronic media, most organizations were a "memo" culture. Everyday, memos arrived in the in-box covering the full range of topics from critical information about competitive strategy to mundane matters like holiday schedules. After a while, everybody stopped reading them. "Why didn't you get your budget figures in on time? Didn't you read the memo?" was not an uncommon refrain. E-mail has become today's memo. And, if anything, the problem is worse because it's so easy to send, copy, and forward e-mail. Communication is so critical for a distributed team that it is essential to take steps to avoid becoming bored with it.
 
Economy of scale is not always desirable.
There are some messages that convey more powerfully and effectively one-on-one. Even though it's possible to send a single e-mail or memo to everyone on the team, you can get a big payoff from calling each team member individually from time to time so that you can interact with them in real time about what they think about something. It takes more time but it gives you a more "unprocessed" response and they may bring up issues that would have been lost otherwise.
 
Switch media for greater impact.
If you have monthly telephone conference calls for your team to report on project status, have them write up reports for a beautifully printed team newsletter for a change. If e-mail is the primary mode of interaction, leave a voice mail that will convey the emotional tone and character of a message. Whatever team preferences are for your basic communications infrastructure, be sure that you spice it up by using alternate media creatively.
 
Encourage communication within the network of team members.
The bulk of team communications in a distributed team is usually either with the whole group or between one member and the team leader. Co-located teams benefit from having many opportunities for pairs or small groups of team members to interact with each other. Developing these relationships is satisfying and fun. It builds up social capital among the team that enhances team performance because members feel more comfortable with each other and are more aware of each other's strengths. In a distributed team, you need to be conscious about creating reasons for team members to communicate with each other in every possible combination. For example, you could pair up team members to work on a problem together and report back to the group - just as you would have in "break-out" groups at a face-to-face meeting.
 
Applying these simple techniques can make advanced communications technology an even more effective tool for you and your team.

"Honest Officer, That's Not What I Meant to Say!"
The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. Such instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that what we mean is not always what we say.

1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
   
2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent.
   
3. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
   
4. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
   
5. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
   
6. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
   
7. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
   
8. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
   
9. As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident.
   
10. I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.
    
11. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
    
12. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
    
13. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
    
14. I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
    
15. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
    
16. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
    
17. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
    
18. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
    
19. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
    
20. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
    
21. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
    
22. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

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