Resolving Conflict

In our role as executive coaches we often see the item “Effectively deals with conflict situations” as one of the lower scoring items in a leader’s 360 feedback report. When we investigate the underlying reasons behind the ratings leaders typically acknowledge that they “deal” with conflict in one of several ways. When a conflict situation arises they tend to 1) withdraw and avoid it 2) agree and let the other person win 3) become defensive and work toward a win/lose outcome. Obviously, none of these are very effective approaches to dealing with conflict. Followers, colleagues and bosses want to see a leader take a proactive, constructive and collaborative approach to finding a resolution that is agreeable to both parties.   

Collaborative problem solving is the most effective way to deal with conflict. Yet it can be challenging to continually keep the discussion moving forward. To deal with conflict collaboratively, try the following process: 

1.       The first step is the toughest; someone must reach out to break a deadlock or make amends. This can be a risk but can have a tremendous impact on opening up communications and enabling people to work on a problem on which they have become entrenched. Ask to meet with the other person in a non-threatening place such as his or her office or a conference room.

2.       Begin the session with a statement defining the purpose of the meeting – something like, “Jim, I asked to meet with you today to discuss the disagreement you and I are having over the Fox contract. I want to work something out with you that we’re both comfortable with.”

3.       Actively listen to draw out information from the other person to fully understand their viewpoint and to help pinpoint the source of the disagreement. Listen with the intent to understand rather than debate, don’t interrupt. Then, state your thoughts in a non-defensive manner.

4.       When you have pinpointed the problem, together investigate alternative solutions. Remain nonjudgmental and search for as many solutions as possible.

5.       Together, evaluate the possibilities you’ve generated, listing pros and cons.  Remember, the goal is to work with the other party to find the best solution for both of you. Be prepared to comprise.

6.       Once you have evaluated the alternatives, commit to a solution with the other person.

7.       At this point, clearly state the solution and develop a plan to execute it. List the specific action steps, assign responsibility, and set specific completion dates for each step. It is important that the plan be specific and that each step is measurable and attainable.

8.       Develop a plan for future follow-up meetings or discussions to evaluate how things are going. Provide positive feedback on things that have helped resolve the conflict and identify any additional action steps required to completely resolve the issue.

Finally, remember that not all conflict spells trouble. Disagreements and diverse perspectives are needed for organizations to adapt to change and find solutions to challenging problems. When people can encourage different views, ideas and approaches in a non-combative way, conflict can:

• Stimulate creativity and problem-solving
• Foster teamwork and improve social relationships
• Encourage listening
• Promote reflective thinking and open communication
• Yield information about people and situations
• Signal that changes are necessary in relationships or the organization
• Provide the means for expressing emotions, which can ultimately clear the air and reduce tension