Listen Up!

Jim is six months into his job in a new division. To his surprise, he's having difficulty leading his new group. He can't pinpoint the reason for the friction between himself and several of his direct reports, and he's frustrated that his group hasn't jelled. Working with a coach, Jim learns that much of his trouble is tied to poor listening skills.

Many managers, like Jim, take for granted their ability to listen to others. Leaders are often surprised to find out that their peers, direct reports or bosses think they don't listen. They are shocked when they learn that others see them as impatient, judgmental, arrogant or unaware. If not corrected, poor listening skills will translate into poor relationships and poor performance.

The impact of not listening well is far-reaching, according to Michael Hoppe, author of the recently-released guidebook Active Listening. Assessments of thousands of leaders indicate that many leaders fall short on abilities that directly relate to their listening skills, including:

• Dealing with people's feelings.
• Accepting criticism well.
• Trying to understand what other people think before making judgments about them.
• Encouraging direct reports to share.
• Using feedback to make necessary changes in their behavior.
• Being open to the input of others.
• Taking another's perspective; imagining someone else's point of view.
   

Colleagues, direct reports and others often describe poor listeners in unflattering ways: "He's not really interested in what I have to say." "She's already made up her mind; why does she bother to ask our opinion?" "She doesn't pay attention to what's going on beneath the surface." "He's just really hard to talk to." Signs that a leader's listening skills aren't up to par include:

Driven to distraction. Multi-tasking is a liability when you need to listen and concentrate on what another person is trying to say. Do you sit behind your desk, accept phone calls, shuffle papers or otherwise communicate by your activities or gestures that you are not fully attentive?

Moving on. Whether pressed for time or just accustomed to moving through issues quickly, many leaders have a hard time concentrating on what is being said. Often they mentally shift to what comes next. How often do you think about your response rather than focusing on what the other person is saying?

Problem solving. Many leaders feel compelled to be the expert and offer a solution to a problem right away. Poor listeners give advice too soon. Do you suggest what should be done before the other person has fully explained his or her perspective?

Downplays feelings. Emotions are part of people's work experience. Poor listeners dismiss other people's feelings. They also miss out on important insights into what is going on among their employees. Do you tell people not to feel the way they do? Are you at a loss when another person expresses emotions?

Shuns silence. Many leaders make it a point to fill any silences, or they feel obligated to respond to every comment. These reactions cut short the other person's time to think and react. Do you talk significantly more than the other person talks?

The ability to listen effectively is an essential component of leadership, but few leaders know just what it takes to become a better listener. You can improve your ability to lead effectively by learning the six skills for active listening. Active listening involves paying attention, holding judgment, reflecting, clarifying, summarizing and sharing. Each skill includes various techniques or behaviors.

1. Paying attention. A primary goal of active listening is to set a comfortable tone and allow time and opportunity for the other person to think and speak. Pay attention to your frame of mind, your body language and the other person. Be present, focused on the moment and operate from a place of respect.
   
    
2. Holding judgment. Active listening requires an open mind. As a listener and a leader, you need to be open to new ideas, new perspectives and new possibilities. Even when good listeners have strong views, they suspend judgment, hold their criticism and avoid arguing or selling their point right away. Tell yourself, "I'm here to understand how the other person sees the world. It is not time to judge or give my view."
   
    
3. Reflecting. Learn to mirror the other person's information and emotions by paraphrasing key points. You don't need to agree or disagree. Reflecting is a way to indicate that you heard and understand. Don't assume that you understand correctly or that the other person knows you've heard him.
   
    
4. Clarifying. Use questions to double-check on any issue that is ambiguous or unclear. Open-ended, clarifying and probing questions are important tools. Open-ended questions draw people out and encourage them to expand their ideas (i.e., "What are your thoughts on ..." or "What led you to draw this conclusion?").
   
   Clarifying questions ensure understanding and clear up confusion. Any who, what, where, when, how or why question can be a clarifying question, but those are not the only possibilities. You might say, "I must have missed something. Could you repeat that?" or "I am not sure that I got what you were saying. Can you explain it again another way?"
   
   By asking probing questions, you invite reflection and a thoughtful response instead of telling others what to do. You might ask, for example, "More specifically, what are some of the things you've tried?" or "What is it in your own leadership style that might be contributing to the trouble with the team?"
   
    
5. Summarizing. Restating key themes as the conversation proceeds confirms and solidifies your grasp of the other person's point of view. It also helps both parties to be clear on mutual responsibilities and follow-up. Briefly summarize what you have understood as you listened (i.e., "It sounds as if your main concern is ..." or "These seem to be the key points you have expressed..."). You could also ask the other person to summarize.
    
6. Sharing. Active listening is first about understanding the other person, then about being understood. As you gain a clearer understanding of the other person's perspective, you can then introduce your ideas, feelings and suggestions and address any concerns. You might talk about a similar experience you had or share an idea that was triggered by a comment made previously in the conversation.

Like building any other skill becoming an effective listener requires commitment, repetitive practice, and patience. But the benefits to you as a leader and those who follow you are worth the effort.