"Alone we can do so
little; together we can do so much."
~ Helen Keller |
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IN THIS ISSUE
"Be true to your work,
your word, and your friend."
~ Henry David Thoreau |
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In
our teambuilding programs we focus heavily on trust as one of the
foundation elements of a high performing team. This is true of all
types of organizations and teams – business, governmental,
sports, military, especially families, marriages and relationships.
Trust is very fragile. It can be eroded slowly away over time or
broken in a heartbeat, depending on the severity of the infraction.
As individuals we often look at trust as a one-way street –
others need to behave in ways that gain our trust. However, we ought
to concentrate equally as much on what we must do to gain the trust
of others – to be deemed trustworthy ourselves. The key to
building and maintaining trust is to create and make numerous positive
deposits into what Steven Covey calls the Trust Bank Account. Consistently
doing large and small acts that show we can be trusted creates deposits
that build our account and the view by others that we are trustworthy.
The reverse is also true – negative acts make small and large
withdrawals from our trust account – sometimes taking us to
the point of being overdrawn and being deemed untrustworthy.
Let me illustrate with a personal example. When my teenage daughter,
Jennifer, received her driver's license she promptly came
to me and asked that age-old question, "Dad, can I borrow your
car to go out Saturday night?" I don't think I consciously
thought about the concept of the trust bank account at that moment
but it actually played a huge role in my decision. Jennifer was
a straight A student – deposit. I had ridden as a passenger
while she had her learner's permit and was impressed with
her performance – deposit. She had always kept her word with
me – deposit. Jennifer had done a lot to build up her trust
account. So I said, "Yes, you can borrow the car. However,
I have some conditions. First, I am very meticulous with my car
and want to make sure you bring it back as clean as you found it.
You have a job and can afford the gas so I want you to replace the
gas you use. And obviously I want you to drive in a safe and legal
manner." Jennifer agreed to the conditions and on Saturday
night, with just a bit of paternal apprehension, I handed her the
keys. She arrived home a few minutes before her curfew in my spotless
car with a full fuel tank – major deposits! Things went well
for a few weeks as I loaned her the car more and more often.
Then, one day I climbed into the driver's seat and sat on
the remains of a Big Mac. A withdrawal, not major but nonetheless
a violation of our agreement and my expectations. Then the day came
that I was late leaving for the airport on a business trip and found
the gas tank empty from the night before – a bigger withdrawal.
Another one came when I found a taillight hanging from its wires.
When asked how this could have happened Jennifer looked at me sweetly
and said "I have no idea, Dad, maybe someone backed into it
in the parking lot". Maybe, but I was having my suspicions
due to previous withdrawals.
The straw that broke the camel's back came the day I walked
out to the mailbox to gather the mail. I flipped through the letters
I came to my auto insurance bill. Causally opening it I suddenly
stopped dead in my tracks and my jaw dropped. My insurance premium
had been tripled! This must be some kind of clerical error I assumed.
I showed my wife the bill and laughingly said, "Look, a clerical
error! Let's call them up and correct it." Unfortunately,
the nice lady at the insurance company politely told me, "Oh,
no sir, that's not an error. The increase is due to Jennifer's
three speeding tickets." My jaw dropped again — what
speeding tickets? Upon confronting Jennifer I learn she had screened
our mail for court appearance notices and paid the fines without
my knowledge. Major withdrawals! We're into deficit spending
here, folks! The trust was broken. Excellent early deposits were
overcome by numerous withdrawals both large and small. In order
to return my premium to an affordable rate I had to sign an affidavit
guaranteeing that Jennifer would no longer drive my car. There is
a happy ending to this story, though. Jennifer learned a valuable
lesson on the importance of trust and rebuilt her account over time
by making lots and lots of new deposits. She purchased her own car
and carried her own insurance. Today we enjoy a very trusting relationship.
How full is your trust bank account with the people that are important
to you – both professionally and personally? Trust is critical
to your success – as a leader, team member, or spouse. Made
any deposits or withdrawals lately? Large or small, they all count
and add up. To actively grow your account concentrate your efforts
in the following areas:
Seek to fully understand the people you want and need to build
trust with. You simply do not know what constitutes a deposit
to another person until you understand them. Make what is important
to them important to you.
Unclear expectations undermine communications and trust. When
facing a new situation get all expectations out on the table.
We create negative situations by assuming that our expectations
are self-evident and that they are clearly understood and shared
by others. Make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning.
Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit, breaking
one a major withdrawal. There is no bigger withdrawal than to
make a promise that is important to someone else and then not
come through. The next time a promise is made, they won't
believe it. If you can't deliver on a commitment don't
agree to it. Sometimes you can negotiate a new commitment that
you can achieve. We like to say "Under commit, and over deliver".
Integrity includes, but goes beyond, honesty. Honesty means telling
the truth. Integrity means doing the right thing.
People trust others who have the knowledge, skills and experience
required to perform a given task. Recognize the core competencies
required for your role and work diligently to develop that expertise.
It takes a great deal of character and courage to apologize when
you have done something wrong. Some people feel it is a sign of
weakness to admit they were wrong. But acknowledging mistakes
is actually a strength. Sincere apologies make big deposits. Conversely,
numerous insincere apologies make withdrawals. It is one thing
to make a mistake, and quite another not to admit it. People respect
those who own up to their mistakes and distrust those who try
to justify or cover up mistakes.
Deposits increase trust, which synergistically improves communications,
respect and healthy relationships – both at work and at
home. Just ask Jennifer.
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In a recent retreat, a law firm we work with
revisited their core values and found they could improve the balance
they enjoy between their work and home life. We developed action
steps to improve in this area and later I sent them the following
story as reinforcement for their efforts. The source of the story
is unknown to me but I am indebted for the insights offered and
want to share them with you.
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items
in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a
very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with
rocks, rocks about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students
if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then
picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook
the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas
between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything
else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students
responded with a unanimous yes. The professor then produced two
cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire
contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between
the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor,
as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this
jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your
family, your partner, your health, and your children - things that
if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would
still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like
your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else
- the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first,"
he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks.
The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy
on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that
are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical
to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical
checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time
to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the
disposal. "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. "One of
the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always
room for a couple of beers."
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Many of our clients are routinely searching
for just the right place to hold a business retreat or training
program. We have had the opportunity over the years to work at a
wide variety of facilities that offer comfortable, top-flight accommodations
at reasonable rates. One of our favorites is Coolfont Resort in
Berkeley Springs, West Virginia, located just ninety miles from
Baltimore and Washington, D.C. Coolfont sits on 1300 pristine acres
of mountains, streams and lakes and is named for the cool springs
that bubble up underneath it. The resort offers a variety of accommodations,
including a lodge, one to four bedroom Chalets and vacation mountainside
homes. The facility features a recently renovated conference center
and an innovative spa dedicated to healthy living. If you are looking
for a meeting location on the east coast take the time to visit
Coolfont at http://www.coolfont.com.
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The Leadership Challenge, Inc.
17033 Canyon Crest
Sisters, Oregon 97759
Call Toll Free
1-866 549-0988
Fax:
(541) 549-0989
E-mail:
Clyde@tlcinc.com
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www.tlcinc.com
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